Mother Wounds Are Real: Lessons I’ve learned in My 20s

How much of yourself should you sacrifice trying to fix things with your mom?

A lot of the time, your mother's toxic behavior is probably just her repeating what her own mother did to her. She never bothered to break the cycle, so now you're stuck dealing with it.

Your mom was supposed to be your safe place. She was supposed to teach you how to love yourself, how to navigate relationships, how to feel confident in your own skin. Instead, she became the voice in your head that tells you nothing you do is ever good enough.

The mother wound is real, and if you're reading this, you probably already know yours is affecting every part of your life. You can change this though. It doesn’t have to be like this forever.

What Mother Wounds Actually Are

Every mother wound looks different, but they all mess you up in similar ways. Your mom might have been never around, physically or emotionally. She could have criticized everything you did and made you feel like you had to be perfect just to get basic love. Or she was so caught up in her own drama that you ended up taking care of her instead of the other way around.

Some moms are straight-up mean. They tear you down, compare you to other people, and make you feel worthless. Others are just... absent. They're there but not really there, scrolling on their phones while you're trying to tell them about your day.

Then there are the moms who made you their therapist, dumping all their relationship problems and life stress on you when you were just a kid trying to figure out your own life. All of these create wounds that follow you into adulthood, messing with your relationships and your sense of self-worth.

Signs That Scream Mother Wound

If you have a mother wound, then I’m sure you struggle with feeling good about yourself. That voice in your head sounds suspiciously like your mom, and it's never saying anything nice. You blame yourself when things go wrong, even when it's clearly not your fault.

You might find yourself in friendships with girls who treat you the same way your mom did, always taking, never giving, making everything about them. Or maybe you avoid close female friendships altogether because you don't trust women not to hurt you.

In relationships, you either pick guys who treat you badly (because that feels way better) or you push away the good ones because you can't believe someone could actually love you without wanting to change you. You might bend over backwards trying to make everyone happy, exhausting yourself in the process.

The worst part is you mostly feel guilty for even admitting your mom hurt you. Society tells us we should be grateful for our mothers no matter what, so you end up feeling like a bad person for acknowledging your pain. These are just a few of the signs. There are 7 main ones I see over and over with my clients.

Your Path to Healing

First things first, stop waiting for your mom to change. She's not going to suddenly become the mother you needed. That version of her doesn't exist, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can start healing.

Your pain is real and valid, regardless of what she went through or what her intentions were. Stop making excuses for her behavior just because she had a hard life too. Hurt people hurt people lol, but that doesn't make it okay.

Start paying attention to that harsh voice in your head. When it starts going off, ask yourself if you'd let a friend talk to you that way. Probably not, right? So don't let yourself do it either. Replace those harsh thoughts with something kinder, even if it feels fake at first.

Find people who actually see your worth and want to be around you. Real friends don't make you feel like you have to perform to earn their love. They like you as you are. These people become your chosen family, and honestly, they might treat you better than your biological one ever did.

Forgiveness doesn't mean pretending what happened was fine. It means deciding you're not going to let her mistakes control your life anymore. You forgive for you, not for her.

If your mom is still alive and you want to try having some kind of relationship, do it on your terms. Set boundaries about what you will and won't accept. If she can't respect those boundaries, it's okay to step back. Your mental health matters more than keeping the peace.

Get professional help if you can. Than and trying to figure it out alone because it can keep you stuck for years. A good therapist or healing coach can help you process the pain and give you better tools for dealing with everything.

Your Life, Your Rules Now

Healing takes time, and some days are going to suck more than others. That's normal. You're not trying to have a perfect relationship with your mom or pretend the past didn't happen. You're just trying to stop letting those old wounds run your life.

The best part about healing your mother wound? You get to decide what kind of woman you want to be. You don't have to repeat her patterns or pass them down to your kids someday. The cycle ends with you. Happy Healing!!