7 Signs you may be carrying a mother wound.

When I was little, I got an A on a maths test. I came flying through the door like I’d just won an Oscar.

“Mum! I got an A!” I shouted, practically vibrating.

She looked up, nodded, and said, “That’s nice, honey. But have you cleaned your room? Why couldn’t it have been an A+? Did you even clean your room? Why can’t you be more like Andrea?(Not me, another Andrea)

I remember standing there, still holding the test paper, trying to figure out why it didn’t feel like a win anymore.

Welcome to the mother wound! where your inner child, your gold-star perfectionism, and that little voice saying “not good enough” all meet.

So many women are walking around with this kind of invisible bruise. It shows up later as low self-worth, people-pleasing, anxiety, or feeling like you always have to prove yourself.

It took me years to realise that moments like that were just messages that try to settle in your chest and whisper things about your worth when you’re just trying to achive a milestone.

It’s wild how loud those quiet moments become.

More on that soon. But first, I’m off to re-celebrate every A I didn’t let myself feel proud of. Might even clean my room, just for spite.

In this post, we’ll discuss seven signs of a mother wound, how it messes with your confidence, relationships, and that voice that says, “Be better.” You’ll see why ignoring it doesn’t work (just makes you people-please harder), and get simple steps to start healing for real. There’s also a free tool to help you start.

What’s Mother Wound?

The mother wound refers to all the pain or trauma we experience within our relationship with our mother beginning in childhood and extending into adulthood. It also includes all the ways we learned to cope with that pain, like gaslighting ourselves, avoiding necessary conflict, or being overly critical of ourselves.

Not everyone’s mother wound looks the same. Some may have experienced neglect. Others may have felt emotionally unsafe. Some people were criticized, controlled, or made to feel like they could never measure up.

But no matter what it looked like, your pain is real and worthy of care and compassion. The mother wound might feel so deep and fundamental like it will never be healed. Know that this is NOT true. You can undo the years of criticism, comparison, and neglect. Yes, it takes time, focus and commitment, but you can change your inner narrative, your life story, and befriend that wounded part of yourself. You can have secure, intimate relationships and choose to be a different mother or father to your children.⁣⁣⁣

Six Mother wound scenarios you might have experienced

1. Achievements Dismissed or Criticized

   Child: Mum, I got an A on my test!
   Mother: That's nice, honey. But not now, I'm busy.
   Child: But... aren't you proud?"
   Mother: "Well, why wasn't it an A+? And have you even cleaned your room yet this morning?"
   

2. Comparison to Siblings or Others

   Child: I cleaned up the kitchen like you asked.
   Mother:  That's good, but Andrea always keeps it spotless. Why can’t you be more like her?
   

3. Love Conditional on Performance

   Child: I tried my best in the recital.
   Mother: Did you win an award? No? Well, maybe next time, if you actually practice.
   

4. Criticism of Appearance or Choices

   Child: I picked out this dress myself!
   Mother: That color really doesn’t look good on you. It rather looks good on your sister. Why didn’t you ask me first?
   

5. Mistakes Met with Shame or Harshness

   Child: I spilled my juice. I’m sorry!
   Mother: How many times have I told you to be careful? Honestly, you’re so clumsy
   

6. Mother’s Unresolved Trauma Impacting Child

   Child: Mum, why do you get angry so quickly?
   Mother: If you had a childhood like mine, you’d understand. Stop questioning me.
   

7 signs you might have mother wounds.

1. You’re haunted by the feeling of not enough You have this belief that you're always lacking, no matter what you achieve. You might constantly strive for perfection, yet the goalposts always seem to move, leaving you feeling perpetually inadequate. This often comes from a childhood where your efforts were rarely fully celebrated, or love felt conditional on meeting certain standards.

2. People pleasing behaviours and perfectionism You find yourself constantly putting others' needs before your own, saying "yes" when you desperately want to say "no." This often goes hand-in-hand with an intense drive for perfection, believing that if you just do everything flawlessly, you'll finally earn approval and avoid criticism. This behavior typically originates from a childhood where compliance and achievement were the pathways to acceptance

3. Feeling inferior to other women You might experience a subtle or overt sense of competition, jealousy, or insecurity around other women. Forming deep, trusting female friendships can feel challenging, or you may find yourself constantly comparing your life, appearance, or achievements to theirs. This often mirrors an early dynamic where your own value was subtly undermined or compared within your maternal relationship.

4. A persisitent weight of guilt for wanting more than you currently have Even when opportunities for growth, success, or personal happiness arise, you feel an inexplicable sense of guilt. It's as if desiring more, be it joy, recognition, or personal freedom is selfish or wrong. This can stem from ingrained messages that taught you to suppress your own desires for the sake of others, or that striving too high would lead to disappointment.

5. Prefer other people’s opinion over yours Making decisions, big or small, feels agonizing because you constantly second-guess yourself and seek external validation. Your intuition feels unreliable, and you tend to prioritize others' opinions over your own deep knowing. This pattern often develops when your thoughts, feelings, or choices were frequently dismissed or overridden in childhood, leading you to believe your own judgment couldn't be trusted

6. Inner critic with a familiar sting. You have a harsh inner voice that constantly points out your flaws, tells you that you're not good enough. This voice continually haunts you and sounds like something you heard from your mother while you were a little girl. It can seriously hurt your confidence.

7. A struggle to set healthy boundaries. Protecting your time, energy, and emotional space feels incredibly difficult. You might struggle to say "no," find yourself easily overwhelmed by others' demands, or feel guilty when you try to assert your needs. This challenge often arises if your personal space or emotional limits were consistently disregarded in childhood, making it hard to recognize and defend them as an adult.
   

I worked hard and did well, but the response I got made me feel like it still wasn’t good enough. So I internalised the belief that no matter how hard I try or how well I do, it’s never enough to be fully accepted or celebrated. That’s how the mother wound works. It trains you to chase approval all the time. But once you’re able to unlearn it, you finally feel proud even without applause. Let’s see the ways the mother wound continues to affect you today in your self-worth, relationships, confidence, or habits like people-pleasing.