How to know your inner child needs healing
“How do I even know if my inner child needs healing?”
It’s a fair question. Especially if you don’t feel like you went through anything “bad enough or tough” to explain the way you sometimes think or react. But you see, many of the struggles we face as adults which could be feeling like a burden, doubting ourselves, bracing for disappointment are really just that little girl inside of you who's still scared of being hurt, rejected, or abandoned all over again.
Your inner child leaves clues. Little signs hidden in your daily life that whisper, “Hey, I still need you to notice me.”
These are the things I notice come up again and again.
7 Signs Your Inner Child Might Be Asking for Help
You struggle to ask for help because it makes you feel like a burden
It’s rarely about preferring to do things on your own. Often, it’s about having been around people who ignored your needs or didn’t know how to support you. After a while, you learned that reaching out only led to disappointment, so you stopped trying. Even now, when supportive people enter your life, part of you expects the same outcome and that’s your inner child’s way of protecting you from being hurt again.
Your inner voice sounds more like a harsh critic than a friend
It’s easy to overlook how unkind you can be to yourself. One small mistake, and you’re calling yourself names. Something goes wrong, and you take the blame, even when it’s not your fault. Where did that voice even come from? Probably from someone who was always on your case about something, nothing was ever good enough for them. Time passed and that voice took up residence in your mind. But the reality is that none of it is actually true. The criticism you believe is just a reflection of how others treated you, not a reflection of who you are.
You constantly compare yourself to others and feel like you never measure up
You notice how easily you find fault with yourself when you look at others. They seem more confident, more put-together, more… everything. And you can’t help but wonder why you can’t seem to catch up and always feel behind.
It all begins at home, where approval feels like it depends on how well you do or where there’s always someone else who’s “the example.” That constant comparison sticks with you, even long after you’ve moved on. So now, as an adult, you catch yourself comparing and the real reason is because want to prove that you’ve got something.
Certain childhood memories still carry a deep sense of sadness or grief
Some memories don’t fade just because time moves on; they plant themselves deep into your heart. It could be a birthday everyone forgot or the way your struggles went unnoticed. You might have told yourself it wasn't a big deal, so you don't bring it up anymore, but the memory still stings. Without realizing it, you may have started living your life around that sadness. Now you expect less, stop asking for what you need, and even pull back the moment something feels good because a part of you is still bracing for the letdown.
You feel guilty or uncomfortable expressing anger
For a long time, I treated anger like a secret I wasn't allowed to have. I received the message that expressing it made me "too dramatic and too loud," so I turned it inward. I learned to smile through it, shrug it off, and get really good at saying, "It’s fine," even when it absolutely wasn’t.
The thing is, anger isn’t as bad as most people think. It’s just information, your body waving a flag that says, "Hey, something isn't right here." But I grew up believing silence was safer than speaking up. Now, when my jaw tightens or my chest burns, I pause. I ask what’s really going on instead of brushing it off as tiredness. I'm not overreacting. I'm allowed to feel what I feel. And if anyone doesn’t like it? Well, that’s their work to do.
Your relationship with a family member or a relative was a difficult one
Some family relationships leave a mark that time doesn’t fully erase. It could be the tension that never went away, the criticism that cut a little too deep too , or the feeling that you just didn’t fit in. Even now, the way certain relatives speak to you can bring back the exact emotions you felt as a kid; ignored, blamed, or left out. When that happens, it’s not you being too sensitive; it’s your younger self remembering what hurt before.
You had to grow up too fast and take on the role of the responsible one
Some kids get to just be kids. Others, like you, had to step into grown-up shoes long before they were ready. Like you being the one always making sure your siblings were okay, handling things at home, or keeping the peace when things got tense. You learned to rely on yourself, and now, asking for help feels almost impossible. I used to write excuse notes for my little brother and sign them with my mum’s name. At parent-teacher meetings, I was the one asking the questions. It didn’t seem unusual at the time. Being the responsible one became part of who I was. I got used to figuring things out on my own, so now when someone offers help, I flinch a little. It feels easier to say “I’ve got it” than to admit I don’t. But even the strongest people get tired. That part of you that never got to rest is still waiting for someone else to take care of things , just for once. I wonder what life would’ve felt like if someone else had been the grown-up.
Looking back, it makes sense
It took me a long time to let go of the idea that I had to wait until everything was perfect before I could feel proud of myself. For years, I skipped right past the small wins without even noticing them. Now I know better.
These days, I pay attention to the little changes, the way I speak to myself, how I slow down, take a deep breath, and how I no longer need to prove a point every time.
That’s what growth looks like. I’m now different from before.
If that’s the kind of peace you want for yourself, we can talk about it. Book a Free Discovery Call, and we’ll take it from there.
