Types of boundaries and how to set each one
Hi friend,
I've been thinking lately about why some people never seem stressed while others (like me) feel pulled in every direction. I realized something. The stress-free people do not say yes to everything. They're not taking on everyone's problems. They have boundaries. There's a point where doing one more favor, answering one more message, or letting someone talk over you just feels wrong. That feeling should just make you aware that a line has been crossed.
Boundaries are limits that stop you from being used by other people, they prevent you from becoming everyone else’s doormat. They make relationships work better for everyone instead of one-sided.
In this guide, you'll learn five key types of boundaries and simple ways to put them in place for healthier and balanced relationships.
Physical Boundaries
Physical boundaries are limits to your personal space and bodily health. This includes who can touch you, how close people can stand, and when you need space to feel comfortable.
Many people struggle with physical boundaries. They let others hug them when they don't want to. They feel uncomfortable when someone stands too close but don't speak up. They let people into their home or workspace without asking.
When I talk about physical boundaries:
I mean, you knowing what feels right for you. Some people like hugs, others prefer handshakes. Some need more personal space than others. Pay attention to when you feel uncomfortable.
Be clear and upfront. Say "I prefer handshakes" or "I need some space right now." You don't need to explain why or apologize.
Always make your space work for you. Close your office door when you need quiet time. Ask people to knock before entering. Create areas in your home that are just for you.
Emotional Boundaries
Emotional boundaries keep you from taking on everyone else's problems.
Certain people's bad moods are contagious. Do you notice when that drained feeling hits after talking to the friend who never stops complaining.?This happens when emotional boundaries don't exist. Some people are emotional sponges, they absorb everything around them. When their friend stresses out, they stress out too. A coworker's bad day becomes their bad day. They become the designated fixer for everyone's problems and wonder why they're constantly exhausted.
Let me show how to stop doing that: Remember that their feelings are theirs, not yours. You can listen and care without making their problems your problems. Just because someone is anxious doesn't mean you have to be anxious too. When someone dumps their problems on you, try saying "That sounds tough" instead of trying to fix it. Or "I hear you, but I think you'll figure it out." If someone always brings drama, spend less time with them. You don't have to be mean about it. Just be busy more often.
Time Boundaries
Time boundaries protect your schedule and stop other people’s priorities from eating up your day. Your time is yours to spend, you have so many hours and you get to decide how they’re used. You see that friend who calls at 11 p.m. to chat. Or the coworker who asks for help five minutes before a deadline. Even the person who expects you to drop everything the second they need something.
Without time boundaries, your day and night belongs to them and everyone else. And your own priorities get pushed aside.
You need to take back your time:
So block out time for your important stuff first. Put it on your calendar like it's a real appointment. Because it is.
When someone asks for your time, don't answer right away. Say "Let me check my schedule and get back to you." This gives you a chance to think about whether you really want to do it.
Set hours when you're available and when you're not. If you’ve decided mornings are your time to focus, don’t start scrolling through messages until you’re ready. Or maybe your gym hour is non-negotiable. Let people know, and keep it that way.
Digital Boundaries
Digital boundaries put you in charge of your devices instead of the other way round. The phone buzzes and you check it right away. One quick video turns into an hour of scrolling. That’s what happens when those boundaries aren’t in place.
Many people stay glued to devices. Checking work emails at midnight. Answering texts immediately even when busy. Feeling anxious when phone batteries die. Family dinners get interrupted by notifications.
I'll show you how to take control back:
Turn off notifications for apps that aren't urgent. Is it really necessary to know every time someone likes a photo? Keep the important ones like calls and texts from family.
Pick specific times to check messages. Looking at emails twice a day works well, once in the morning and once in the afternoon. Let people know this is how it works.
Create phone-free times and places. No phones during meals. No scrolling in bed. Charge phones outside the bedroom to avoid temptation when it's time to sleep.
Communication Boundaries
Communication boundaries protect us from disrespectful talk and toxic conversations. So with this, you're not accepting yelling, name-calling, or cruel behavior from anyone, even family.
Watching someone endure terrible communication is heartbreaking. There's the family member who turns every conversation into a screaming match, leaving everyone walking on eggshells. The coworker who innterruptss constaantly making everyone feel invisible and unheard. Friends who deliver cutting remarks with a smile, then claim "it was just a joke" when the damage is done. Partners who weaponize silence, creating an atmosphere so tense it's suffocating.
This is a simple way to set communication boundaries:
Decide what kind of talk is acceptable and what isn't. Yelling might be a hard no. Interrupting constantly might need to stop. Sarcastic digs disguised as humor might cross the line.
When someone crosses the line, address it immediately. Say something like "Please don't raise your voice" or "I'm not comfortable with that joke." Keep it simple and direct.
Walk away from conversations that turn toxic. If someone won't stop yelling after being asked, leave the room. If a discussion becomes an attack, end it. Sometimes the best response is no response at all.
The Simple 3-Step Boundary Setting Process
How to to make your limits clear and stick to them.
Figure Out What Bothers You First Pay attention to when feeling uncomfortable, angry, or drained. These feelings are signals. Write down three situations that make you feel taken advantage of. Sometimes, people call you late at night. Other times you end up being the one who plans everything. These are where boundaries are needed.
Say It Clearly Use simple, direct words. No long explanations or apologies needed. Try this: "I don't take calls after 9 PM" or "I won't discuss politics at family dinner." Keep it short and matter-of-fact. The reason doesn't need explaining - the boundary is enough.
Stick to It Every Time This is the hard part. When someone crosses the boundary, remind them once. If it happens again, follow through with consequences. That could mean ending the call. Boundaries only when they're consistent , inconsistent boundaries tell people they can push past limits.
Common Reasons Why We Have Trouble Setting Boundaries
Guilt: Setting boundaries can feel mean at first. But think about it, when people know what to expect from us, relationships actually get easier. It’ll be hard to cause drama or a anyone's feelings.
Pushback: Some people will test new boundaries. They might get upset or try to guilt-trip. Stay firm and remind them of the boundary.
Fear: Starting feels scary, especially with difficult people. But start with small boundaries in low-pressure situations to build confidence before tackling the tough relationships.
Pick one boundary type to start with this week. Don't let people step over your limits. Stand your ground and see how much easier life gets.
