What Are Father Wounds? The Pain That's Been Controlling Your Life
Healing from “Daddy Issues”
I don't want to start this without saying, I'm sorry for every traumatic moment and pain your dad caused you. I know there are good fathers out there, and should I say bad fathers?
I don't want to classify them as bad, I also don't want to use the word “wicked”, but they hurt a lot. I mean, there are daughters with fathers who are so intentional about them, who care for their every need,( academically, emotionally, physically and always wanting to make them happy. Some may not be staying under the same roof, but they still care deeply.Also, there are some fathers who don't care at all.
All they care about is their own lives and how they're doing well for themselves. It's heartbreaking. I mean it hurts, and seeing all those Father's Day posts is so painful and makes your heart fall. You might not have even realized these feelings are a result of your relationship with your dad, but that ache you feel is so real and it has a name.
It's fine to feel so pained about it but please don't cry while reading this. What people casually call "daddy issues" are real wounds that need proper healing. I'm here to help you heal through all this. So take a deep breath and remember, right now you're in the exact right place at the exact right time to be reading this.
What Are Father Wounds?
It's that deep ache inside you from not getting the love and care you deserved as a little girl. Maybe your dad was there physically but felt like a stranger emotionally. He criticized every single thing you did and made you feel like nothing you did was ever good enough. Or maybe he just disappeared from your life completely and left you wondering what you did wrong. And when I say "dad," I don't just mean your biological father. We could be talking about your grandpa who raised you, a foster father, an older brother, or an uncle who was supposed to protect you.
The bottomline is how they treated you and how that treatment is still affecting you today. What breaks my heart is that these wounds don't just stay in childhood where they happened. They follow you everywhere and influence every decision you make as a woman. You find yourself picking partners who remind you of him, or you can't figure out why you feel so lost and empty even when everything in your life looks good on paper.
6 Common Types of Father Wounds
The Absent Father
He just wasn't there, both physically or emotionally. You learned early that men leave, and now you either cling too tight to relationships or push people away before they can abandon you.
The Critical Father
Everything you did fell short of his expectation. Your grades, your appearance, your choices . He could find fault with anything. Now you're a perfectionist who's terrified of making mistakes because his voice is still in your head.
The Angry Father
You never knew which version of him you'd get. One moment he's fine, the next he's exploding over you because you left the cup on the counter. You learned to walk on eggshells and now you're always scanning people's moods, trying to keep everyone happy,
The Emotionally Distant Father
He provided for you physically but never emotionally. He was never there to comfort you or listen to you. This taught you that love means having your basic needs met, and nothing more.
The Controlling Father
He made every decision for you and questioned your every move. "Where are you going? Who will you be with? Why are you wearing that?" You never learned to trust your own judgment because he never trusted you with any freedom.
The Two-Faced Father
My father had an entirely different public and private persona. He was cruel and scary at home, yet everyone thought how lucky I was to have him. This type teaches you that love is pretending everything is fine and that what happens behind closed doors doesn't matter.
Signs These Wounds Are Still Affecting You
If you're wondering whether father wounds are impacting your life, pay attention to these signs. You might find yourself constantly seeking approval from others, especially men in authority positions. You say "I'm sorry" for things that aren't your fault and struggle to believe compliments when people give them. In relationships, you either attract partners who are emotionally unavailable or you become the one who's always giving but never receiving.
You might feel anxious when your partner doesn't text back quickly, or you sabotage good relationships because you don't believe you deserve love. At work, you either overwork to prove your worth or you hold yourself back from opportunities because you don't feel qualified enough. You keep comparing yourself to others constantly and feel like everyone else has it figured out except you. And the persistent feeling of emptiness or loneliness, even when you're surrounded by people makes you feel like something is missing, but you can't quite put your finger on what it is.
Your Healing Journey Starts Now
If you saw yourself in any of these, I want you to know that you're not being sensitive, and you're definitely not making this up. What you went through was real, and how it's showing up in your life now makes complete sense.
Listen, I know it hurts to finally put a name to all this pain you've been carrying. Maybe you've been telling yourself for years that you should just get over it or that other people had it worse. But your pain matters, and you deserve to heal from it.
You should know that these wounds don't just disappear on their own. I wish they did, but they don't. They need attention, care, and proper healing. And yes, healing is absolutely possible, even if it feels impossible right now.
I'm going to be completely honest with you about this.
Finding out you have father wounds is the easiest part. The real work starts when you decide you're ready to do something about them. In one of my articles, I'm going to walk you through exactly how to start healing these wounds. See you in the next piece.
